My Life Fighting Mental Illness and The Stigma

  Besides being a great movie with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, it also explains my family. My boyfriend has a wonderful little daughter. Since we both know there is no we don’t want to leave each other and would rather stay together, we co-partner. We talk and hang out with her mother and stepdad. We go to her older sisters birthday parties and spend Christmas together as one big family.    Now days working with the person you made the baby with, even though you are not with them anymore, has become more common. Which is great for everyone. It can be some what stressful when the big things come up. Being on the same page as 3 other people, two you don’t live with, about one little person that needs you to be there for her, can be very tirering. We have to act like adults and put what is best for the little girl first.    Now if you know me personally, you know I can be strong headed and never wanted kids. But here I am! I have learned how to be flexible and love her as my own. N

      Being in a relationship is hard enough. We all have to find out what the others pet peeves are. We have to meet the family. We have to learn to work together, rather than against each other. Some times that is really hard. But mostly :We have to be able to stand each other 99% of the time. Or at least that would be in a perfect world.     I was married at 22 and divorce by 27. Let me tell you, it’s not a walk in the park. I come from a small town about 4,500 people, so we end up running in to each other or each other’s families. It didn’t go as smoothly as we both hoped it would. Maybe one day it will but not anytime soon. He didn’t understand my mental illness. Most of the time he was the cause of my panic attacks and depression. ( If you know him, I’m not bashing him. We truly loved each other but we couldn’t make each other happy.) After we had decided to stop being together. I was allowed to up my xanax for a short time, because everyday was hell. I had everyone and their do

   I’m in a wonderful relationship with Dustin. He is my boyfriend of almost a year. He has helped me get through the rough parts of me getting a divorce. He has been there for the good, the bad, and the super ugly. He has made me so happy and has seen me when I can’t seem to control my anger. The thing is he has a lot of the same mental health issues that I have. I can tell you we may be diagnosed with some of the same things but we struggle in very different ways.    My anxiety and panic attacks look nothing like his. My anxiety is brought on by sound and unknown places. His is brought on by bright lights and open spaces. ( the open road is a really big triggered with his.) Somedays we have a hard time seeing it from each other’s point of view. We are both very supportive of each other when we have bad days as best we can. Sometimes our bad days land on the same day at the same time. Those usually end up in some kind of fight with raising our voices (Not in front of his daughter) an

    A few weeks ago I lost my cousin to suicide. I have to say, I haven’t had much contact with him due to distance and him being in prison. He remembered me from when I was younger but I don’t have any real memories of him. He was death row, but everything became stalled sometime last April. I wrote a letter to him pretty much to say hello and goodbye at the same time. When everything got put on hold, there was a rumor that they had found something new that could possibly get him out. I guess I got my hopes up a little to high.      He had wanted that part of his life to be over. He was tired of having to see his family go in to the prison to see him. He was afraid something would happen to them. He was ready to go, and I thought I would be too when the time came, but I wasn’t. Maybe if he had waited for lethal injection I would have been more at peace with his passing, but he couldn’t hang on any longer.      How do you miss someone that you only have pictures and 2 letters from? H