Loving Someone Like You
Being in a relationship is hard enough. We all have to find out what the others pet peeves are. We have to meet the family. We have to learn to work together, rather than against each other. Some times that is really hard. But mostly :We have to be able to stand each other 99% of the time. Or at least that would be in a perfect world.
I was married at 22 and divorce by 27. Let me tell you, it’s not a walk in the park. I come from a small town about 4,500 people, so we end up running in to each other or each other’s families. It didn’t go as smoothly as we both hoped it would. Maybe one day it will but not anytime soon. He didn’t understand my mental illness. Most of the time he was the cause of my panic attacks and depression. ( If you know him, I’m not bashing him. We truly loved each other but we couldn’t make each other happy.) After we had decided to stop being together. I was allowed to up my xanax for a short time, because everyday was hell. I had everyone and their dog telling me how I should do this. How I should feel about that. How I should present myself to the world as a newly divorced woman.
I pretty much gave them the look that your dogs give you when they hear a funny noise. You know that one where they turn their head to the side and then the other side because of complete confusion over what that noise it. I have never been the one to follow all the rules and everything like that. I started dating WAY sooner than I thought I would be. He just fell in to my lap. My ex-husband was not happy. To this day he thinks I cheated on him. He can believe what ever makes him feel better I guess.
My boyfriend didn’t think we would end up together. We had been friends for years and had kinda began talking again when I started being very open about my mental illness. I have never seen shame in admitting I need help. Sometimes it’s harder to ask for help than others, but thats life.
Dustin, my boyfriend, has depression and anxiety. The weird thing is, you could never tell that we have the same diagnosis. His anxiety attacks look nothing like mine and when he is depressed he listens to sad music to let it out. My attacks took him by suprise. I didn’t warn him before hand on what they looked like and how to help me. His are more internal. While mine, Oh Lord, they couldn’t be more external if I tried. What I mean by that is: He feels it more in his head and doesn’t show that many sysmptoms on the outside. I however look what you would think of when you think panic attack. I am unable to talk, my brain is frozen yet going a million miles an hour. I cry and start to tighten up all my muscles. This is the way they have always been for me.
So far we are getting better at readying each other and helping each other through the bad times. We learn everyday how to help just a little bit better. But on days where we are both depressed, anxious, or both, all hell breaks loose. We have not come anywhere near totally finding out how to help each other when we are feeling broken and helpless ourselves. Not to brag or anything, but I can help him a lot better than he can help me. I have gone to school for mental health and I am a paramedic. I know how to talk people down. The only thing is I don’t know how to talk myself down.
On those days, that sometimes come more often than not, we end up fighting. It is almost always over the stupidest things. I think we get to the point were we just need to let all of the stuff that is inside out. So we take it out on each other. I’m not going to lie, I have a flare for the dramatic. Once I was so pissed that I started to walk to my moms house (about 10 miles away). I didn’t want to leave him but, well he was acting like an ass. I’m sure I was acting like a bitch, but you know when you are mad you can’t really tell how you are acting.
Over the last 10 months, we have started to learn how to help. Neither one of use are anywhere close to being able to figure it out, but the main thing is we haven’t given up on each other. I’m pretty sure we are both to stubborn to give up this easy. He is the man that is helping me grow and repair what has been broken in my life. I am the woman that doesn’t care that he has trouble with little things sometimes. He tries to make improvements. So I am too.
Love is a beautiful thing and should not be taken for granted. We only have a little time on this earth. We should love the ones you love with ever cell in your body. At the same time, don’t keep people around just because you have known them your whole life. Find your kind of people. No matter how crazy your bunch is. They are your crazy people
Nicole
I was married at 22 and divorce by 27. Let me tell you, it’s not a walk in the park. I come from a small town about 4,500 people, so we end up running in to each other or each other’s families. It didn’t go as smoothly as we both hoped it would. Maybe one day it will but not anytime soon. He didn’t understand my mental illness. Most of the time he was the cause of my panic attacks and depression. ( If you know him, I’m not bashing him. We truly loved each other but we couldn’t make each other happy.) After we had decided to stop being together. I was allowed to up my xanax for a short time, because everyday was hell. I had everyone and their dog telling me how I should do this. How I should feel about that. How I should present myself to the world as a newly divorced woman.
I pretty much gave them the look that your dogs give you when they hear a funny noise. You know that one where they turn their head to the side and then the other side because of complete confusion over what that noise it. I have never been the one to follow all the rules and everything like that. I started dating WAY sooner than I thought I would be. He just fell in to my lap. My ex-husband was not happy. To this day he thinks I cheated on him. He can believe what ever makes him feel better I guess.
My boyfriend didn’t think we would end up together. We had been friends for years and had kinda began talking again when I started being very open about my mental illness. I have never seen shame in admitting I need help. Sometimes it’s harder to ask for help than others, but thats life.
Dustin, my boyfriend, has depression and anxiety. The weird thing is, you could never tell that we have the same diagnosis. His anxiety attacks look nothing like mine and when he is depressed he listens to sad music to let it out. My attacks took him by suprise. I didn’t warn him before hand on what they looked like and how to help me. His are more internal. While mine, Oh Lord, they couldn’t be more external if I tried. What I mean by that is: He feels it more in his head and doesn’t show that many sysmptoms on the outside. I however look what you would think of when you think panic attack. I am unable to talk, my brain is frozen yet going a million miles an hour. I cry and start to tighten up all my muscles. This is the way they have always been for me.
So far we are getting better at readying each other and helping each other through the bad times. We learn everyday how to help just a little bit better. But on days where we are both depressed, anxious, or both, all hell breaks loose. We have not come anywhere near totally finding out how to help each other when we are feeling broken and helpless ourselves. Not to brag or anything, but I can help him a lot better than he can help me. I have gone to school for mental health and I am a paramedic. I know how to talk people down. The only thing is I don’t know how to talk myself down.
On those days, that sometimes come more often than not, we end up fighting. It is almost always over the stupidest things. I think we get to the point were we just need to let all of the stuff that is inside out. So we take it out on each other. I’m not going to lie, I have a flare for the dramatic. Once I was so pissed that I started to walk to my moms house (about 10 miles away). I didn’t want to leave him but, well he was acting like an ass. I’m sure I was acting like a bitch, but you know when you are mad you can’t really tell how you are acting.
Over the last 10 months, we have started to learn how to help. Neither one of use are anywhere close to being able to figure it out, but the main thing is we haven’t given up on each other. I’m pretty sure we are both to stubborn to give up this easy. He is the man that is helping me grow and repair what has been broken in my life. I am the woman that doesn’t care that he has trouble with little things sometimes. He tries to make improvements. So I am too.
Love is a beautiful thing and should not be taken for granted. We only have a little time on this earth. We should love the ones you love with ever cell in your body. At the same time, don’t keep people around just because you have known them your whole life. Find your kind of people. No matter how crazy your bunch is. They are your crazy people
Nicole
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