Having a Mental Health issues and Living with Someone that has the Samething
I’m in a wonderful relationship with Dustin. He is my boyfriend of almost a year. He has helped me get through the rough parts of me getting a divorce. He has been there for the good, the bad, and the super ugly. He has made me so happy and has seen me when I can’t seem to control my anger. The thing is he has a lot of the same mental health issues that I have. I can tell you we may be diagnosed with some of the same things but we struggle in very different ways.
My anxiety and panic attacks look nothing like his. My anxiety is brought on by sound and unknown places. His is brought on by bright lights and open spaces. ( the open road is a really big triggered with his.) Somedays we have a hard time seeing it from each other’s point of view. We are both very supportive of each other when we have bad days as best we can. Sometimes our bad days land on the same day at the same time. Those usually end up in some kind of fight with raising our voices (Not in front of his daughter) and crying.
Yes my 6’4 boyfriend cries. He shows ever emotion. I think it makes him a stronger man for showing his weak side to me. I had no problem with a man feeling something that isn’t anger or a manly feeling. I would much rather have a partener that shows me all the sides of him. Not just the good ones. It makes me feel like we are connected on a deeper level that just skin deep. We talk about everything and show each other all of the emotions we have, no matter how it turns out.
His anxiety and depression has gotten a lot worse since April of last year. He had a ex girlfriend he was still friends with. She had two children and they thought of Dustin as a dad. I had no problem with this because to care for a child that isn’t yours, even after the relationship is over is a hard but great thing to do for the kids. We went over there about 14 days after we started dating and watched the kids for her. She was at work and her then “boyfriend” wanted to go out and party. We checked on the kids when we got there and her daughter, who was two, was so excited to see Dustin.
The rest of the night went off with out any problems. We left and went back home. Two days later, Dustin that got a call that no one ever wants to get and was mind blowing, even for me. Her daughter had been life flighted to a major hospital with a PICU. She was not breathing on her own and was in really bad shape. The story that we got that night was that “she had feel out of her high chair”. ( I have studied to be a Social Worker and have taken Child Abuse and Neglect, so I knew this was a lie from the get go.) Dustin wanted to believe this and thought maybe just maybe it wasn’t as bad as we were hearing.
I wish I could say that was the end of the story. I wish I could say it was a happy ending, but everything was worse than we could imagine. The boyfriend had beat, shook, and I’m not sure what else, her. She was in the PICU under graud 24/7 because the boyfriend was not in custody yet. He had damaged her so much that her brain had no ridges in it. Her brain was swelling that much. I did not personally see this baby that Dustin concerted his daughter. From the sounds of things and the things I have been told. I am glad I didn’t. Her mother had to pull the plug on her the next day. Dustin was there with her mother and other close friends. She passed away in her mothers arms.
I am happy to say the man who killed this two year old is behind bars, but has not been convicted of anything. He goes on trail soon. Dustin and his ex have had a special bond since then. Not going to lie, its hard sometimes to just stay back and stay quite. But I do my best, because I know they are the only ones that get each other and under stand what it feels like to loose a child. It has really been a struggle for him to even get out of bed most days because of this. I mean how do you even think you would handle it? I can’t even think about it. It’s a parents worst fear. You put your kids care in to someone’s hands that you think you can trust but then something like this happens.
We have our days where one has to be the strong one even though we don’t want to be. We have to be strong for the other one because they need us to be more than we need to eo this for ourself. He is my rock an I am his. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Don’t be ashamed to feel like crap because of the horrible things that have happened to you. You have the right to have bad days. You have the right to be sad and mad. You have the right to be depressed and no want to go on. The thing you need to remember is that, you need to keep going on no matter what. You need to help yourself while others help you. It’s a team sport getting through most days. I will be on anyone’s team that needs me if they will be on mine when I need them.
Love the people you have while they are still hear. You don’t know if you will have them tomorrow. Tell them you love them. Don’t hold back. Love with everything you have and put yourself out there. Sometimes you may regret it but its worth a chance.
Nicole
My anxiety and panic attacks look nothing like his. My anxiety is brought on by sound and unknown places. His is brought on by bright lights and open spaces. ( the open road is a really big triggered with his.) Somedays we have a hard time seeing it from each other’s point of view. We are both very supportive of each other when we have bad days as best we can. Sometimes our bad days land on the same day at the same time. Those usually end up in some kind of fight with raising our voices (Not in front of his daughter) and crying.
Yes my 6’4 boyfriend cries. He shows ever emotion. I think it makes him a stronger man for showing his weak side to me. I had no problem with a man feeling something that isn’t anger or a manly feeling. I would much rather have a partener that shows me all the sides of him. Not just the good ones. It makes me feel like we are connected on a deeper level that just skin deep. We talk about everything and show each other all of the emotions we have, no matter how it turns out.
His anxiety and depression has gotten a lot worse since April of last year. He had a ex girlfriend he was still friends with. She had two children and they thought of Dustin as a dad. I had no problem with this because to care for a child that isn’t yours, even after the relationship is over is a hard but great thing to do for the kids. We went over there about 14 days after we started dating and watched the kids for her. She was at work and her then “boyfriend” wanted to go out and party. We checked on the kids when we got there and her daughter, who was two, was so excited to see Dustin.
The rest of the night went off with out any problems. We left and went back home. Two days later, Dustin that got a call that no one ever wants to get and was mind blowing, even for me. Her daughter had been life flighted to a major hospital with a PICU. She was not breathing on her own and was in really bad shape. The story that we got that night was that “she had feel out of her high chair”. ( I have studied to be a Social Worker and have taken Child Abuse and Neglect, so I knew this was a lie from the get go.) Dustin wanted to believe this and thought maybe just maybe it wasn’t as bad as we were hearing.
I wish I could say that was the end of the story. I wish I could say it was a happy ending, but everything was worse than we could imagine. The boyfriend had beat, shook, and I’m not sure what else, her. She was in the PICU under graud 24/7 because the boyfriend was not in custody yet. He had damaged her so much that her brain had no ridges in it. Her brain was swelling that much. I did not personally see this baby that Dustin concerted his daughter. From the sounds of things and the things I have been told. I am glad I didn’t. Her mother had to pull the plug on her the next day. Dustin was there with her mother and other close friends. She passed away in her mothers arms.
I am happy to say the man who killed this two year old is behind bars, but has not been convicted of anything. He goes on trail soon. Dustin and his ex have had a special bond since then. Not going to lie, its hard sometimes to just stay back and stay quite. But I do my best, because I know they are the only ones that get each other and under stand what it feels like to loose a child. It has really been a struggle for him to even get out of bed most days because of this. I mean how do you even think you would handle it? I can’t even think about it. It’s a parents worst fear. You put your kids care in to someone’s hands that you think you can trust but then something like this happens.
We have our days where one has to be the strong one even though we don’t want to be. We have to be strong for the other one because they need us to be more than we need to eo this for ourself. He is my rock an I am his. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Don’t be ashamed to feel like crap because of the horrible things that have happened to you. You have the right to have bad days. You have the right to be sad and mad. You have the right to be depressed and no want to go on. The thing you need to remember is that, you need to keep going on no matter what. You need to help yourself while others help you. It’s a team sport getting through most days. I will be on anyone’s team that needs me if they will be on mine when I need them.
Love the people you have while they are still hear. You don’t know if you will have them tomorrow. Tell them you love them. Don’t hold back. Love with everything you have and put yourself out there. Sometimes you may regret it but its worth a chance.
Nicole
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