Welcome to 2019, I’m glad you are here.
Well the holidays are over and things have started to get back to normal. We have all started and stopped our New Year’s resolution. The kids are back at school and we are back to work. The holidays have some of the highest suicide rates. I’m not going to quote them or anything, I just know its really high between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. I may not know you, but I am happy you are here.
I’m not going to lie, for many years after my dad died I didn’t want to be around family. Especially when the “whole” family is together and is trying to carry on and be happy. The first year after he died, I don’t think it had really hit me yet. I think was on “Do not Disturbe” mode or something. Some how even after his passing the whole family was able to get together and put on a happy face.
Maybe it was because we had just lost a huge part of our family. Maybe we were just happy to have the people we did. I’m not really sure. It was a confusing time for a 14 it y/o that had just started high school. I know it wasn’t as happy as the years before and no one would go in to “the room”. (My dad decided to pass away outside of the hospital at my grandparents house where he would be more comfortable. The room he passed away in is now just known as “the room” to my brother and I.) I don’t remember much talking about my dad that year or much of anything that mattered. I think my grandparents were just to have people around, who they loved.
After that, we had two more very sudden, unexpected losses. The first one was my cousin Brandon. He had been at a party and got in to a fight. So instead of fighting or driving drunk, he decided to walk home. What I understand is that the people he got in a fight with were too drunk to let it go. They got in a truck and literally ran him down. After that they back up over him. It was heart breaking. He had a son that was around a year old. I don’t want to put down what year it was just Incase I get my years mixed up.
The next year, 3 days after Christmas my Uncle Dean took his own life. He had a lot of pain issues and a wife that really was mentally unstable. All of that just put to much stress on him, alongwith other things. At Christmas that year he had already made up his mind. Looking back I can see that. He said his good byes and I love yous to everyone who mattered to him. It was a terrible way to bring in that next new year.
Around the holidays and my birthday, I have felt cheated out of good times with my family and friends. Life has not gave me a hand that is very good. If I was playing poker, this is a hand that I should fold, but I wont. I’ll keep it and see what the flop and the river gives me. It’s hard not to fold. It would be so much easier to not be here. I am a fighter and I know that there is a reason I’m here. So I’ll keep the cards I have been dealt and just wait to see what happens.
Welcome to 2019. I’m glad you are here to see it with me. Even when it is a little or a lot messy. I hope to see you tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. We are here for each other to lean on. To give someone a shoulder to cry on or be the resason they wake up and smile. Stay strong my friends.
I’m not going to lie, for many years after my dad died I didn’t want to be around family. Especially when the “whole” family is together and is trying to carry on and be happy. The first year after he died, I don’t think it had really hit me yet. I think was on “Do not Disturbe” mode or something. Some how even after his passing the whole family was able to get together and put on a happy face.
Maybe it was because we had just lost a huge part of our family. Maybe we were just happy to have the people we did. I’m not really sure. It was a confusing time for a 14 it y/o that had just started high school. I know it wasn’t as happy as the years before and no one would go in to “the room”. (My dad decided to pass away outside of the hospital at my grandparents house where he would be more comfortable. The room he passed away in is now just known as “the room” to my brother and I.) I don’t remember much talking about my dad that year or much of anything that mattered. I think my grandparents were just to have people around, who they loved.
After that, we had two more very sudden, unexpected losses. The first one was my cousin Brandon. He had been at a party and got in to a fight. So instead of fighting or driving drunk, he decided to walk home. What I understand is that the people he got in a fight with were too drunk to let it go. They got in a truck and literally ran him down. After that they back up over him. It was heart breaking. He had a son that was around a year old. I don’t want to put down what year it was just Incase I get my years mixed up.
The next year, 3 days after Christmas my Uncle Dean took his own life. He had a lot of pain issues and a wife that really was mentally unstable. All of that just put to much stress on him, alongwith other things. At Christmas that year he had already made up his mind. Looking back I can see that. He said his good byes and I love yous to everyone who mattered to him. It was a terrible way to bring in that next new year.
Around the holidays and my birthday, I have felt cheated out of good times with my family and friends. Life has not gave me a hand that is very good. If I was playing poker, this is a hand that I should fold, but I wont. I’ll keep it and see what the flop and the river gives me. It’s hard not to fold. It would be so much easier to not be here. I am a fighter and I know that there is a reason I’m here. So I’ll keep the cards I have been dealt and just wait to see what happens.
Welcome to 2019. I’m glad you are here to see it with me. Even when it is a little or a lot messy. I hope to see you tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. We are here for each other to lean on. To give someone a shoulder to cry on or be the resason they wake up and smile. Stay strong my friends.
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