Becoming a Bonus Mom
I was never the girl that wanted to be the mom when we played house. If I did play with the other girls playing house, I usually wanted to be the dog. Never did I want to be a mom. I have never wanted kids of my own. Everyone said that I would change my mind once all my friends started having kids. The only thing that changed when my friends had kids, was my level of anxiety. It went through the roof.
I was never the one to want to be around the kids alone. It was always a huge anxiety riser to be anywhere alone with my friends kids. I never felt like I had a handle on my emotions enough to be alone with them. I was always afraid I was going to get mad and yell at them for no reason. I have a history of getting stressed out and yelling at whatever or who ever is closest. I never wanted to do that to anyone's kids and I didn't want to risk of doing that to my own.
As I got older, I started taking medication for by anxiety and depression. Along with medication for chronic pain. Since I never had wanted a kid, I decided to not have kids because of the unknowns of what the medicines would do to the unborn child. My ex-husband and I really had a hard time coming seeing eye to eye. The fact that I didn't want to have a child, and I wouldn't change my mind, is one of the reasons my marriage ended.
After my ex and I went our separate ways, I had been talking to my friend. He had asked me if I would ever date someone who had a pre-started family. I think he asked if I would date someone who had a kid, but same thing to me. I told him it would depend on the man and the relationship he had with both the mother of the child and the child. In the end I pretty much said I would. Even though, I never thought I would fall in love with a man who had a little girl. This was something I thought would make me feel uncomfortable and not work out. Boy was I wrong.
I went over to his house to watch movies and just hang out. I knew he had a crush on me but I knew that if I didn't have feeling for him, he wouldn't do anything. He has always been supportive and a sweetheart. Even though if you ask him he thinks he is neither. He is smart and funny. Handsome and nerdy. The best thing was that he has the biggest heart for everyone. He takes on other peoples pain when he doesn't need to.
That night I feel hard for him. I didn't think I would and I knew it wouldn't be good looking for me since I had not been separated from my ex very long at all. But sometimes stuff just falls in to place when we need them too. That night we both found the person we needed to. The next biggest thing that we had to do: have me meet his 1 1/2 year old daughter.
Can you say scared shitless? I told him I wanted to put it off for awhile, you know just incase something didn't work out. Well that didn't happen! I had went to see him at work the next day. We were talking and getting ready to go outside, when we turned the corner, there happened to be this little girl standing there. I stood there frozen in place. Day 2 of dating and I was meeting his little girl. This is not what I wanted to happen. Along with his daughter, his grandmother, who was watching her, was there. Oh lord! Grandmother and his daughter on day two! I think you could have knocked me over with a feather.
I shook his grandmothers hand and started talking to his daughter. From then on his daughter and I were good friends. She usually doesn't like her Nana leaving for any amount of time, but she and I took a walk down the hallway and she didn't have any fits while she was away. Both my new boyfriend and his grandma were so shocked that she just took to me so well.
That wasn't the only thing that was different. She didn't scare me. She didn't make me feel overwhelmed just being near her. She was just this little girl with a lot of spunk, just like her daddy.
From that day on I was Daddy's Co. Even when she is acting like a normal two year old, I still love being around her. I love the fact that I have been excepted by her mom to be their daughters bonus mom.
It was unexpected but wonderful. Her Daddy and her are the best thing that has ever happen to be. I am lucky to have a great relationship with her, her mommy, and her bonus dad. I love when we get to take pictures together. I love when we can be apart of the family. It surprises me till this day. But I am so happy to be where I am. I hope this story is my fairy tale ending,
Nicole
I was never the one to want to be around the kids alone. It was always a huge anxiety riser to be anywhere alone with my friends kids. I never felt like I had a handle on my emotions enough to be alone with them. I was always afraid I was going to get mad and yell at them for no reason. I have a history of getting stressed out and yelling at whatever or who ever is closest. I never wanted to do that to anyone's kids and I didn't want to risk of doing that to my own.
As I got older, I started taking medication for by anxiety and depression. Along with medication for chronic pain. Since I never had wanted a kid, I decided to not have kids because of the unknowns of what the medicines would do to the unborn child. My ex-husband and I really had a hard time coming seeing eye to eye. The fact that I didn't want to have a child, and I wouldn't change my mind, is one of the reasons my marriage ended.
After my ex and I went our separate ways, I had been talking to my friend. He had asked me if I would ever date someone who had a pre-started family. I think he asked if I would date someone who had a kid, but same thing to me. I told him it would depend on the man and the relationship he had with both the mother of the child and the child. In the end I pretty much said I would. Even though, I never thought I would fall in love with a man who had a little girl. This was something I thought would make me feel uncomfortable and not work out. Boy was I wrong.
I went over to his house to watch movies and just hang out. I knew he had a crush on me but I knew that if I didn't have feeling for him, he wouldn't do anything. He has always been supportive and a sweetheart. Even though if you ask him he thinks he is neither. He is smart and funny. Handsome and nerdy. The best thing was that he has the biggest heart for everyone. He takes on other peoples pain when he doesn't need to.
That night I feel hard for him. I didn't think I would and I knew it wouldn't be good looking for me since I had not been separated from my ex very long at all. But sometimes stuff just falls in to place when we need them too. That night we both found the person we needed to. The next biggest thing that we had to do: have me meet his 1 1/2 year old daughter.
Can you say scared shitless? I told him I wanted to put it off for awhile, you know just incase something didn't work out. Well that didn't happen! I had went to see him at work the next day. We were talking and getting ready to go outside, when we turned the corner, there happened to be this little girl standing there. I stood there frozen in place. Day 2 of dating and I was meeting his little girl. This is not what I wanted to happen. Along with his daughter, his grandmother, who was watching her, was there. Oh lord! Grandmother and his daughter on day two! I think you could have knocked me over with a feather.
I shook his grandmothers hand and started talking to his daughter. From then on his daughter and I were good friends. She usually doesn't like her Nana leaving for any amount of time, but she and I took a walk down the hallway and she didn't have any fits while she was away. Both my new boyfriend and his grandma were so shocked that she just took to me so well.
That wasn't the only thing that was different. She didn't scare me. She didn't make me feel overwhelmed just being near her. She was just this little girl with a lot of spunk, just like her daddy.
From that day on I was Daddy's Co. Even when she is acting like a normal two year old, I still love being around her. I love the fact that I have been excepted by her mom to be their daughters bonus mom.
It was unexpected but wonderful. Her Daddy and her are the best thing that has ever happen to be. I am lucky to have a great relationship with her, her mommy, and her bonus dad. I love when we get to take pictures together. I love when we can be apart of the family. It surprises me till this day. But I am so happy to be where I am. I hope this story is my fairy tale ending,
Nicole
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